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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26572066">Written Out</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Notquitegreylo/pseuds/Notquitegreylo'>Notquitegreylo</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Star Wars Sequel Trilogy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>"Writer's" Cramp, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, And Entertain, Brief Mention of Therapy, Chekhov's Erotica, Erotographomania, F/M, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, He WANTS, Hope I Do The Trifecta Proud, I'm Here To Educate, If You Squint - Freeform, Kink Tme, Light Angst, Masturbation, Mutual Pining, Neighbors, Sexual Fantasy, Sexual Tension, She Wants, Smut, Social Anxiety, Socially Awkward Ben Solo, Socially awkward Rey, Vaginal Sex, thigh riding, we all want</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-20 22:29:21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>13,400</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26572066</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Notquitegreylo/pseuds/Notquitegreylo</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Ben Solo wants to get it right with Rey Niima. It doesn't go so well. Until it does.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Poe Dameron/Finn, Rey &amp; Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>92</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>172</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>House Dadam A-Z Kink Collection</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Attempts Are Made</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Welcome to my first released-into-the-wild attempt at kink, smut, and multi-chapter. So. Many. Firsts. I'm glad you're here.  </p><p>Thank you to my beautiful Betas, Cat and Kelly.</p><p>I delve into social anxiety in this fic. Not for very long or very deeply, but it is touched upon. A brief recap of a therapy session is also included. If this is an issue that might trigger you, please be aware. The only therapy session mention is in Chapter 1. It starts after the line, <i>He had become worried that it wasn’t normal.</i> and you can safely resume reading after the line, <i>From that day forward, he confidently allowed himself the time and space...</i></p><p>Also, a kink and a disorder are not the same thing. You probably already knew that, though. Right?</p><p>Thank you for taking time to read this story of mine. If you find <strong>any</strong> joy in it during these terrible times we're living in, my day will be made. I welcome your comments and if you feel so inclined, kudos.</p>
    </blockquote><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Ben Solo likes his new-ish neighbor Rey Niima. Social anxiety gets in the way.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p><br/>
</p>
</div><p>Today was a good day. Professor Ben Solo doesn’t usually have a lot of good days. Students in his Comparative Literature class at Chandrilla University were actually attentive this morning. Although he suspects it had more to do with their very frank debate on sex positivity and less to do with his class material.</p><p>
  Kids these days.
</p><p>
  <em>You’re only 32, Benjamin Organa-Solo.</em> Why his mother’s voice still rang in his ears the same way it did when he was 10, he will never understand.
</p><p>Arriving in front of his apartment building, Ben bounds up the steps two at a time. Feeling lighter than he has in far too long, he starts daydreaming about the gorgeous British woman that moved into his building a few months ago. Living two floors above her means he gets to share an elevator once in a while. And he lives for those opportunities because she smells like peaches and vanilla, and looks like sunshine.</p><p>He finds himself standing in front of the wall of mailboxes in the foyer. Remembering that he hasn’t checked for mail in over a week, he fishes his keys out of his pocket. Ben is so lost in his thoughts while unlocking the box and grabbing the fistful of mail that he doesn’t notice she’s entered the building. He smells her before he sees her. So it shouldn’t surprise him in the slightest when those lighthearted feelings shrivel up, only to be replaced by a hundred angry butterflies intent on escaping his stomach.</p><p>The moment he realizes she's standing behind him, his body tenses. Rey maneuvers around him as he swivels the key and gives it a tug to make sure it does indeed lock the box back up. Ben swallows hard and turns to find himself face to face with the focus of his thoughts.</p><p>Her lilting “Oi, hello there!” only serves to amp up the anxious feeling in his gut. He knows social rules dictate a response, but even a simple “Hi” back seems too much for him to muster up. He’s so consumed with the problem of what to say that he misses her warm smile and curious eyes on him.</p><p>She tries again. “Hi there. Rey. Rey Niima, from 4C, remember? Recently moved in. Well, six months ago, now, I guess. Bestie of Finn? And by extension, I guess now Poe, too. We've met a couple of times...” she rambles.</p><p>His childhood friend Poe Dameron had fallen in love with her best friend Finn. They lived together on the same floor as Rey and kept hounding Ben to offer to make her a “welcome to the building meal”. His cheeks turn pink as he wonders to himself what Finn would think if he knew what Ben <i>really </i>  wanted to do with his best friend.</p><p>Watching her hips sway as she walks around him to get to her own mailbox does nothing to help his word deficit problem and everything to help him come up with a new problem. He’s so focused on trying to simultaneously will his beginning erection away and keep his eyes on the perfect outline of her hips in her tight pencil skirt that he barely catches her next comment.</p><p>“Are the words you need written across my backside, by chance?” she asks with a smirk. Rey cranes her neck behind her to look across the expanse of her behind.</p><p>That jolts him from his trance and he stammers out a barely audible “Uh, no?” Mortification sets in as he realizes she obviously just caught him staring at her ass. <em>Gods! Her ass, though.</em> A flush the same color as her blouse makes its way up his neck to his cheeks.</p><p>He watches the woman who takes up every bit of space in his fantasies turn and bestow him with the highest wattage smile he’s ever seen. “He speaks!” she teases, continuing with a cheeky “Are you asking me? Or telling me.”</p><p>Just like that, his brain functioning shuts down to the bare essential. Breathing, yes, breathing is important, his brain was allowing that one, thankfully. One foot in front of the other, also necessary. But by some miracle, he’s also able to chuckle back at her in a reasonable amount of time. At least, he hopes so. Because he just can’t seem to think straight around this woman.</p><p>Rey continues smiling at Ben, keeping her eyes on him as she waits for him to carry on more conversation.</p><p>Conversation that Ben now knows for certain isn’t going to come. In fact, the pressure in his pants forewarns him that the only thing attempting to rise to the surface at the moment is definitely not words. He knows he needs to exit as fast as possible to avoid a monumentally embarrassing exchange.</p><p>Ben simply nods at her in response, instead. Abruptly turning from her, he strides off toward the stairwell. Self-preservation kicks in, not allowing him to even consider an elevator ride with her in his increasingly aroused state.</p><p>Each word and phrase he could have uttered in her presence begins to transform themselves into the erotic fantasy scene he wants to write about in the privacy of his room. With two more floors to climb, his hand itches and his cock throbs. As he finally opens the stairwell door to his floor, he bolts down the hall and skids to a halt at his doormat. Reaching into his pocket for his keys, he accidentally brushes against his already half-hard member. “Fuck!” he shouts.</p><p>At this, he startles. Heart pounding, he looks around to make sure no one heard him. Never that lucky, his eyes almost instantly connect with those of old lady Maz two doors down. She smirks at him as she holds her little terrier, Chewy. She’s always smirking at him, as if she can hear every single thought and activity he gets up to within his four walls.</p><p>Cheeks reddening and cock continuing to harden, he realizes that what he really needs are his keys to open the door, because his cock sure as hell hasn’t been able to do that once in his entire life.</p><p>Bursting through his front door, he throws a leg behind him to kick it closed. Practically running to his bedroom now, his hands fumble with his belt buckle and pants button on the way. Feeling the ache in his crotch while his pulse pounds out a drumbeat, Ben moves faster than one might imagine a 6’3” brick wall of a man ever could.</p><p>Feeling like he’s already going to explode, he tries to focus his breaths to calm himself, like Dr. Holdo taught him to. <em>In through your nose 2, 3, 4 - out through your mouth 2, 3, 4… </em> He’s hoping it will give him enough time to get to his desk to start writing.</p><p>Having successfully steadied his breathing just enough to slide into the chair at his desk, he slides a fresh sheet of paper in front of him. Taking one final deep breath, he picks up his pen.</p><p>Palming his cock through his boxer briefs, he knows he won’t get very far into his fantasy today, as he is already hard and aching. So, he gets to work pouring his uninhibited thoughts about Rey onto the page in tempo with the stroke of his hand.</p><p><br/>
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Slightly aghast at Ben’s hasty exit and lack of social skills, Rey moves toward her mailbox. <em>What an odd duck he is. Hot. So professor-y. And big. And hot. But...odd.</em></p><p>Before realizing it, self-doubt also creeps into her thoughts. Rey plays her words over in her head and groans out loud as she recalls the verbal avalanche she had unleashed on him. It feels like each time she runs into him, she can’t control her mouth and ends up spewing every thought in her head.</p><p>While busy over-thinking the exchange with Ben, she doesn’t notice the sudden appearance of the redhead who had sidled up next to her. “Hello, my beautiful fellow English woman. Fancy meeting you at the mailboxes,” he says.</p><p>Rey turns to find Armitage Huxtable standing much too close for comfort and takes a large step back. “Hello Armie. I’m just heading up to get ready for a dinner date. Can I catch up with you later?” She has zero intention of catching him later or any time.</p><p>He immediately stops pretending to be picking up his mail and darts over to the elevators to ride up with her. “Actually, Rey, dear, we haven’t been able to line our schedules up to make that welcome dinner happen we talked about a few months ago. Any chance this weekend would work for you?” he asks, stepping into the lift beside her. The elevator door slides closed, locking her into a conversation and space with him.</p><p>For once, Rey has a legitimate excuse. Poe and Finn are having a little get-together at their apartment. They had invited only a handful of people and thank the gods, Armie Huxtable did not make the cut. But now, she has to play this carefully. Because, if he gets wind of it, he will definitely try to invite himself.</p><p>“I’m sorry, Armie. Truly I am. But I have a gathering this weekend.” She says it with conviction. Because she didn’t have to lie. She hated having to lie. She’d spent her life lying to social workers and adults who pretended to care what was going on with the little girl no one ever seemed to want for long. Now that she’s an adult and finally thriving on her own, she tries to avoid lying whenever possible. Even if it is to the smarmy-ass redhead.</p><p>He looks genuinely heartbroken by her response. And for a split second, she feels guilty about it.</p><p>The ding of the elevator, however, alerts them to their arrival at her floor, sparing her the necessity of saying anything else. She lets out a small sigh of relief as she steps off the elevator and into the hallway. “I’ll catch you later,” she says casually as she wiggles her fingers in a brief goodbye. He, thankfully, has one more floor to go.</p><p>Straightening her shoulders, she makes her way down the hallway toward her apartment. <em>Why can’t it be the hot one that wants to talk my ear off?</em></p><p>Recalling Ben in comparison to Armitage sends a shiver of pleasure down her spine and straight to her core. She quickly retrieves her keys from her messenger bag and unlocks the door. Kicking off her shoes and throwing her bag down on the couch, she makes a beeline for her bedroom - now on a mission to relieve some of the ache that seeing Professor Ben has brought on.</p><p><br/>
</p>
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Hand poised over the blank sheet of paper, pen at the ready, Ben begins writing out his latest fantasy as the images play vividly in his mind. If she knew the things he wrote about doing to her, with her…</p><p>
  <em>Watching the elevator door close was the only time he gave her before caging her body between himself and the wall. Pushing one knee in between her legs, he nudged her pencil skirt up until he could feel her wetness through his pant leg.</em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em>She looked up at him with wide eyes, pupils blown dark with a desire that matched his own. Breathing heavily she snaked a hand between them to stroke the length of his cock as it hardened under her touch.</em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em>Softly at first, but gaining intensity with each new floor’s flicker of light on the elevator panel, she stroked him. In time with each brush of her hand against him, his knee would gently bounce against her cunt.</em>
</p><p>Stuttering in the overly harsh movements up and down the length of his shaft, his pending orgasm began to make itself known. Focusing only on the tip of his pen’s movement against the paper, his hand begins to stroke more wildly as Ben pictures Rey desperately using his knee for her pleasure. What started as gentle twists and leisurely strokes quickly takes a harsher turn. It faintly registers in his brain that he has a minute, at most.</p><p>He keeps writing.</p><p>
  <em>Whines, the most beautiful sounds he’s ever heard, start slipping from her mouth as she rocks herself against his knee, while making valiant attempts to continue bringing him the same pleasure.</em>
</p><p>
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</p><p>
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  <em>As quickly as he cages her in, it feels the elevator alerts them to their arrival at her floor. They moan simultaneously, foreheads leaned against one another…</em>
</p><p>Almost as if writing the word moan brought the very action to his lips, he grits his teeth as his balls tighten and lets the thoughts go as cum spurts up his stomach and spills over his hand.</p><p>He releases the breath he didn’t even realize he was holding. As the pen rolls out of his hand, his head drops to the desk in front of him and he smears fresh ink across his forehead, marking himself.</p><p>Huffing out an intense short laugh, he recalls the first time his therapist explained that this was a healthy method for stress relief. He had become worried that it wasn’t normal.</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em></em>
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  <p>“What situations bring out your social anxiety,” Dr. Holdo asks.</p>
  <p>
    <em></em>
  </p>
  <p>Ben had been coming to see Dr. Amilyn Holdo for a year now, at Poe’s insistence. He knew Ben was still reeling from the death of his father, the previous year. And he’d always been able to tell when Ben’s social anxiety was kicking his ass. That’s what made the Damerons moving in next door to the Organa-Solos when Ben was a toddler one of the best things to ever happen to Ben. He got a best friend out of the deal.</p>
  <p>
    <em></em>
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  <p>He’d instantly felt at ease with Dr. Holdo and she’d been a lifesaver. At the time, it felt as if life was spiraling out of control and he couldn’t function even remotely normally around anyone other than Poe and his mom. While his childhood therapists had formally diagnosed him with social anxiety, it had been years since he’d had to reckon with some of the more unique habits he’d developed to help him cope. Because what caused him the most social anxiety was…</p>
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    <em></em>
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  <p>Dr. Holdo broke into Ben’s reverie. “Ben?”</p>
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  <p>“Hmm?”</p>
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  <p>“Girls,” Ben blurted out. “Women, actually,” he amended. “Anytime I want to have a normal conversation with someone I’m even remotely attracted to, lately, I can’t. It’s like… my brain won’t allow me to find the words I need. And I end up feeling like I did when I was a teenager - useless. And unlovable.”</p>
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  <p>She patiently waited for him to get it all out. “And, what helps you ease the stress of those situations? Anything?”</p>
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    <em></em>
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  <p>At this, heat flamed across Ben’s face. Because the only thing that helped ease the discomfort and embarrassment was to write out his deepest sexual fantasies. Unfortunately, also while simultaneously masturbating.</p>
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  <p>He decided he felt comfortable enough with Dr. Holdo to share this. It was Poe that could never find out. He’d never let him live it down!</p>
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  <p>“Ben,” she interrupted his thoughts again, “You can safely share anything here. There is no judgment.”</p>
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    <em></em>
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  <p>He considered this for only a moment because he knew it to be true of her. “I write my erotic thoughts. Or, maybe my erotic wishes would be more accurate,” he told her.</p>
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    <em></em>
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  <p>“Okay. Ben, are you hurting someone in these scenarios?” she asks.</p>
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  <p>“NO! I mean, definitely not. I’m just, um...physically with them. In my head,” he clarifies.</p>
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  <p>“There is absolutely nothing wrong with that,” she assures him. “I encourage people to journal their thoughts and hopes and desires all the time.”</p>
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    <em></em>
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  <p>He peeks at her through his eyelashes before gathering the courage to add so softly that she almost misses it, “and I, um, masturbate while writing.”</p>
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  <p>Dr. Holdo actually gives a small but not unkind chuckle. “Ben, do you know what that’s called?”</p>
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    <em></em>
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  <p>He shakes his head. He had always assumed that since hardly anything he did, growing up, was considered “normal”, this wouldn’t be either.</p>
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  <p>“Erotographomania,” she simply states. Like, it’s not a word with too many syllables to count on one hand.</p>
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  <p>
    “Eewatta-what?” he asks incredulously. <em>This couldn’t be a thing. Could this be a thing?</em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p>Dr. Holdo spent the last ten minutes of the session explaining to Ben that it was a sexual kink. It just meant that he experienced pleasure at the writing, and for some people at the drawing, of erotic literature or poetry while masturbating. And that it was a perfectly healthy method of stress-relief.</p><p>From that day forward, he confidently allowed himself the time and space to practice this “method” whenever he needed and/or wanted to.</p><p>And made damn sure he never breathed a word to Poe.</p><p><br/>
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Two floors below, Rey lays spent, legs splayed wide, on her bed. If Ben had any idea what she wished he would do to her, with her…</p><p>Picturing Ben's massive hands doing all manner of sexual things to her had helped speed along her own “alone times” in the last few months. But today, in particular, she seemed to get lost in a lust-hazed scenario that involved being trapped in an elevator for just long enough to rock herself to completion on his thigh. Gods! His thighs were massive and it took her less than a handful of minutes to convince her clit that his thigh could probably work just as many wonders as his mouth or hands could.</p><p>Locating her hastily flung panties from the floor, she slipped them back on and ambled over to the bathroom to wash her hands. As she looked in the mirror, she wondered, not for the first time, if someone like Ben could ever love a nobody like her.</p><p>
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  <p>“Reybaby, honey, you are loveable. You are! I love you. Paige loves you. Cass loves you,” Rose attempted to console Rey after another nasty breakup last year.</p>
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  <p>Rey had just ended things with her latest boyfriend, after a few short months. Feeling unlovable was a constant vibrating thought in the back of Rey’s mind since her parents abandoned her at a museum when she was six years old.</p>
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  <p>“Rose, you...you're only saying that because you have to. It’s the foster kid code,” Rey reminded her.</p>
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  <p>Rose squinted hard at her as she said, “No. I’m saying it because it’s true!”

</p>
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  <p>Rey got quiet. She knew Rose meant well. But then again, Rose found someone who adored her. And she always had her older sister, Paige. Rey had no one. No one to call hers.</p>
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    <em>She just wanted someone to decide she was lovable enough to stay.</em>
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He made it five whole days before he was confronted with the agonizing reality that yes, she did still live in his building and yes, he was still going to run into her every once in a while.</p><p>That wasn’t the worst of it though.</p><p>No.</p><p>The worst of it was that he was going to have to attempt a somewhat normal conversation with Rey at some point this evening. Poe wouldn’t let him hear the end of it if he didn’t.</p><p>The very object of his anxious thoughts was currently laughing easily with Poe and Finn in their living room. Poe kept glaring at Ben and subtly gesturing toward Rey to get him to come talk to her. Doesn’t he remember how hard it is for Ben to converse normally? To even be here?</p><p>The thing is, Poe does actually know. He knows Ben’s decades-long struggle with social anxiety. It’s why he was Ben’s wingman all through their college years together. It’s why Poe always makes sure Ben has someone he can connect with at every party he drags him to. It’s why Poe is one of the best friends a person can have. He doesn’t let anyone wallow, because life, to Poe, is too short to spend in your head.</p><p>None of this makes a bit of difference in Ben’s plan to continue to hide in the kitchen as long as possible. Using this time, he mentally berates himself for his lack of courage to just join the conversation already in progress.</p><p>
    <em>You have a fucking PhD in Literature! You’ve read some of the most beautiful poetry on this planet. You can speak a handful of somewhat meaningful words.</em>
  </p><p>Ben tries to listen in on the animated discussion between Finn and Rey - something about a rescue kitty named BB.</p><p>He doesn’t know a damn thing about cats, having never owned a pet. Confronting this reality, his confidence in joining the conversation naturally starts rapidly declining. Damn Poe and his misguided efforts to get him to “just talk to her, already!”.</p><p>Before he can begin to create an exit plan, he hears knuckles rapping on the counter next to his hip.</p><p>Snapping to attention, he finds himself staring into Rey’s hazel eyes. No-they’re definitely more green than brown, with little flecks of gold in them, he notes mentally.</p><p>“Hi. Ben. It’s Ben, right? I could have sworn Finn told me your name was Ben. Anyway, I couldn’t tell if you remembered meeting me or not the other week. Down by the mailboxes? You seemed like you were in a bit of a hurry. I hope everything was alright?” Rey prompts him.</p><p>As if she needs to jog his memory. He remembers. Oh, he remembers just fine.</p><p>Making an attempt, Ben murmurs, “I remember. I'm, yeah -Ben.” His heartbeat thunders in his ears and no matter how hard he tries to think of other words, his focus on Rey’s mouth keeps him from being able to.</p><p>A small smile plays at the corners of her lips as she waits for him to keep talking.</p><p>"You like cats?" Ben's feeble attempt at conversation ends there. </p><p>Seeing a sadness in his eyes that she identifies with, Rey tries to keep him talking. "I do. I really really do! I just found one at the local shelter that I so want to adopt. Do you like cats? Or... oh! You're not allergic are you? Wait. Maybe you already have a pet?" Embarrassed that once again she's blathering on, she makes a concentrated effort to stop and looks up at him shyly from beneath her lashes.</p><p>But Ben isn't able to respond, he's so taken with the way those feathery lashes fan over a little cluster of freckles high on her cheekbone. Humiliation takes the place of reason as it dawns on him how long he's probably been standing there just gawking at her. </p><p>Without another word, he starts the process of removing himself from the discomfort this entire evening has brought him. Striding toward the front door, he makes a hasty exit, throwing out mumbled goodbyes to Poe and Finn.</p><p>Finn notices the movement and looks back to the kitchen to see Rey looking confused and hurt. His best friend instincts kick in full force, and he starts towards Ben to give him a piece of his mind.</p><p>Poe takes one look at Ben’s crumbling face and places a hand firmly on Finn’s shoulder to stop him. “Let him go. I’ll explain later. Let’s go take care of Rey,” he says calmly.</p><p>Rey is confused. And frustrated. She forgets how fucking attractive she finds Ben, and instead begins to focus on the fact that, in the last few interactions she’s had with this mountain of a man, he’s pretty much unwilling to do her the courtesy of returning words. Hot or not, you don’t just not respond to someone when they attempt to speak to you. It’s rude! How high school is that?</p><p>Just as Ben is about to close the door behind him, he chances a peek back at Rey’s face one last time. He watches just long enough to see the array of emotions from confusion to sadness to anger play out over those pretty eyes.</p><p>Sighing at his social incompetence, he does the only thing he knows with confidence he does well - run away. <i> Why can’t he get this right with her?</i></p><p>Anger begins to bleed from his heart to his hands as he shoves the stairwell door open with a loud bang.</p><p>This time, when his eyes meet the crinkly eyes of old lady Maz, because of course she’s there, she doesn’t smirk. Instead, she looks on him with pity.</p><p>And that’s even worse.</p><p><br/>
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She’s fuming by the time Finn and Poe make their way over to her. Each one taking an opposite arm to loop through, they both turn their eyes on her.</p><p>“Let it out, Sunshine,” Poe encourages.</p><p>“I just don’t get it! Am I literally that unlikable that the man can’t even spare more than one fucking sentence with me? What is it about me?” Rey is practically vibrating with her anger and frustration over what just took place with Ben.</p><p>And, she's so confused. She was almost positive he looked happy to see her when he first looked at her. She could so get lost in the whiskey color of his eyes, with just the lightest flecks of dark brown.</p><p>Finn interrupts her momentary lapse into fantasyland with a reminder that she needs to keep talking this through. No way was he going to let his sunshine stand here and think that she’s unlovable. Again.</p><p>“Fucking Ben,” he spits out.</p><p>“Hey, hey, now. Listen, guys, I know Ben doesn’t exactly own the social scene, but trust me when I tell you - the guy is doing the best he can. I promise. Rey, he didn’t mean to hurt you, love, I’m 100% positive.” Poe is looking at her expectantly, hoping she’ll accept what he’s saying without asking for more details.</p><p>It doesn’t work.</p><p>Diving right into the deep end, she asks, “What <em>is</em> his problem, anyway? What’s his deal, Poe?”</p><p>Poe hesitates a moment to gather his thoughts. He knows he needs to guard Solo’s privacy and appease Rey’s need to understand this isn’t about her.</p><p>“We all struggle with something, honey. Ben’s issues are just a little heavier than your average bear.”</p><p>Rey considers this for a long moment before snorting. “He’s certainly built bigger than your average bear.”</p><p>They all chuckle and Poe realizes that Rey’s ire is gone since she’s able to make jokes. He breathes a sigh of relief and gives her a little pat on her shoulder. “That he is, Sunshine. That he is.”</p><p>Poe shoots Finn a look that says keep her laughing and turns to chat with some of the other friends back in the living room. As he pads over to join a different conversation, he silently hopes his friend isn’t being too hard on himself. He knows how hard it was just to show up.</p><p><br/>
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Once upstairs, Ben makes quick work of stripping down to just his boxer briefs and plops down into the desk chair. Swiping his favorite writing pen from its place on his desk and a fresh sheet of paper, he immediately begins fantasizing about how he wishes the night would have gone. As his thoughts rise to the surface, so does his cock. He begins palming it through his boxers, allowing those thoughts to run rampant in his mind until they come together into a single scenario he can write out.</p><p>Remembering the way her eyes sparkled as she looked up at him in the kitchen, a thought catches fire in his brain and he instantly knows the words to write. His hardening member seems to agree.</p><p>He pens his fantasy quickly tonight, stroking both paper width and cock length with equal fervor. Ideas flow in streams of consciousness from his head to his fingertips to his cock, making it jump and twitch with each declaration written out upon the page.</p><p>Words and phrases continue to pop into his head in time with the stroke of his hand. And it feels so damn good to see the words and feel the pleasure.</p><p>
    <em>Eyes darting behind her to make sure no one was watching them in the kitchen, Ben quickly turns Rey so her back is against the counter. Her gasp spurs him on.</em>
  </p><p>
  <em>She grabs his biceps and he can’t help but flex a bit for her. As her eyes widen and her breathing gets shallower, his lips descend on her in a bruising kiss. His tongue darts out, tracing the seam of her lips, as she whines and grants him entrance.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Her hands move from his arms to his pecs, and Ben feels her small fingers trail down the front of his shirt to stop lightly and hover over the button of his pants. Pulling away slightly to look up at him, she silently asks for permission. He nods, breathing open-mouthed in anticipation, as she slips the button open and slides her hand down over his almost entirely hard length.</em>
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    <em></em>
  </p><p>
    <em>Moaning, he rests his forehead on top of her head to watch her movements as she draws her hand agonizingly slowly up and down the length of him. The bead of precum that escaped, wetting his briefs, seems to embolden her as she speeds up her movements.</em>
  </p><p>Ben momentarily leans his head back as he feels the telltale signs of his orgasm building to its climax. But he still wants to see the words written out and quickly sets to work trying to finish the scene in his head before he finishes his orgasm in hand.</p><p>
    <em>Rey nudges his forehead and looks up at him, eyes completely dilated in lust, and captures his lips in a heated kiss as she squeezes him and twists at his head.</em>
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    <em></em>
  </p><p>
  <em>Ben is beyond the point of caring if someone walks into the kitchen as his balls tighten and he groans into Rey’s mouth.</em>
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    <em></em>
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    <em>He’s so close that when she leans back and whispers, “Come for me, Ben,” he obeys on command. His cum spurts up his stomach, wetting his shirt.  Rey slows her hand movements, stroking him gently through it.</em>
  </p><p>Barely getting the final words down, he drops the pen and quickly gives his balls one rough squeeze as his cock erupts in a pent-up fury of cum.</p><p>With heart beating out a wild staccato and both hands cramping, Ben lets his forehead thunk onto the desk as he gives both the break they need.<br/>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. We're Making Progress</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Ben utters a few more words than Rey is used to. Rey tries to make sense of them.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    
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<p>Making his way down the stairs one morning not even a week later, he gets an accidental chance to try again with Rey. Distracted by the ding of an incoming text message and, moving far too hurriedly to be able to stop, he runs smack into someone three flights down.</p>
<p>“What the hell,” yelps a woman’s voice. Even agitated, it sounds melodic and he instantly knows who he almost mowed down.</p>
<p>“Shit! Rey, sorry... good morning,” all come tumbling out in rapid succession.</p>
<p>At this, more words out of him in one fell swoop than practically all of their conversations so far, she turns and gapes at him. “I, um- yeah, hi,” she stammers. For once, it’s Rey having difficulty stringing words together.</p>
<p>But because Ben hadn’t anticipated having a chat with another human before he had far more coffee and hours in his day, he just stares back at her.</p>
<p>Recognizing that look by now, Rey knows more words aren’t forthcoming. And since she’s on her way to work and needs to get moving so that Plutt doesn’t have a yelling fit at her being four minutes late, she just lifts her hand and utters a quick, “Ok, see you.”</p>
<p>His brain clearly didn’t have enough time to rebel against the thought of exchanging words with the person who fills his thoughts so often because Ben finds himself actually replying “Yeah, okay, I’m off to work too. I've got a long day of teaching and meetings ahead of me. I’ll see you around, Rey.”</p>
<p>In shock that he actually continued speaking, she just nods.</p>
<p>And keeps nodding.</p>
<p>He steps around her and continues on down the stairwell.</p>
<p>As he gets to the landing of the next level, her brain kicks into gear and she begins her usual deluge of words whenever she’s in his presence. “Okay,” she chirps, leaning over the railing to look down at him. “Bye then. Maybe I’ll see you around sometime soon. Have a great day at work. Don’t forget to look up to make sure you don’t run into anyone else accidentally. Wouldn’t want you to have to have two whole conversations before eight a.m.”.</p>
<p>Ben, for his part, just looks up and offers her the most devastatingly beautiful smile. Rey is transfixed. She  barely remembers to return his smile with a bright one of her own. <em>Progress. We’re making progress! Now, we just have to tamp down your abundant verbiage around this man</em> she thinks to herself as she continues beaming at him and throws him an enthusiastic wave goodbye.</p>
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<p></p><div class="center">
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</div><br/><p>Exhaustion grips Ben as he opens the front door to his apartment building that evening. Starting with his usual 6:00 am run, the day just wouldn’t quit. Despite having such a positive social interaction with Rey in the morning, his luck ran out the minute he stepped foot onto campus. Between a decidedly not-positive interaction with his infuriating department head, Snoke, and a day spent teaching grad students material they acted as if they already knew, Ben feels wrung out.</p>
<p>Deciding an elevator ride is definitely deserved today, he bypasses his mailbox and walks over to stand in front of the lift doors. While waiting, he hears the building’s door whoosh open behind him. Ben uses his peripheral vision to see who’s entering. So help him gods, if it’s that measly gingerfuck, he’s going to lose it.</p>
<p>It’s not.</p>
<p>It’s the exact opposite, in fact. Like sunshine pouring light all over his dark mood, Rey enters the foyer. Humming to herself, she walks over to her mailbox and checks for mail.</p>
<p>Ben smiles. Her hum is a soothing balm to him in this moment, and too soon the elevator doors open. He knows he needs to step inside, but part of him wants to just stay here and bask in her presence. He makes the difficult decision to step away from her light and into the darkened lift.</p>
<p>Noticing the doors sliding closed, Rey sprints over and smashes the button to stop them. Realizing that she’s trying to get in, he punches the button to keep the door open for her.</p>
<p>Looking up as she steps in, her eyes widen in surprise. Faintly, Ben registers the slight widening of her pupils, too. “Ohmygods, thank you Ben! You are a lifesaver. I did NOT want to have to wait another 10 minutes for this ancient elevator to get back down to the main floor. You know, I’m mechanically inclined, but even I don’t think I’d be able to fix this archaic thing,” she spews.</p>
<p>He looks at her with a bemused expression. She really is a talker, isn’t she?</p>
<p>But she isn’t finished, apparently.</p>
<p>“Today was… something. How did your day go? I Hope you were able to make it down the stairwell without mowing anyone else down. That’s never a very good start to the day,” she snickers.</p>
<p>At this point, Ben is feeling a chuckle bubbling up in his chest at her inability to stop chattering away. His brain tamps it down and reminds him instead that this means he doesn’t have to come up with any words, himself.</p>
<p>Unfortunately, her words do stop and he looks at her blankly, unprepared to pick up the conversation just yet.</p>
<p>Rey looks at him pensively for a couple of seconds and then plows ahead. “Can I ask you something? And, you don’t owe me an answer, of course, but if you wanted to, it would be great. Because I really am…”</p>
<p>Ben interrupts her barrage of words with a curt, “Yes.”</p>
<p>“Why didn’t you stay and talk to me? At Poe and Finn’s party? Did I do something wrong, or…” she softly asks.</p>
<p>Silently thanking whatever gods are allowing him to think clearly right now, Ben recognizes something in Rey at that moment; she needs to feel like she’s enough for someone. And this feeling resonates deeply with him. He wants to tell her that. So he does.</p>
<p>In Ben-speak.</p>
<p>“Rey. It’s definitely- it’s not you. It’s me” he states simply.</p>
<p>Her face falls. She’s not stupid. Lacking social skills, maybe. But when someone’s trying to let her know they aren’t interested, she can certainly take this kind of hint.</p>
<p>Ben’s eyes scan her features and he instantly sees that his words didn’t have their intended effect.</p>
<p>“No, Rey, I…” he starts at the same time that Rey says, “No, Ben, I…”</p>
<p>Instead of being able to laugh quietly about it together, the elevator dings its arrival to her floor. As the door slides open, she hastily moves over the threshold and doesn’t even bother to turn back toward him as she softly says, “I get it. I’ll see you, Ben.”</p>
<p>As the door closes behind her, Ben lets his head thud against the cool steel wall behind him.<em>Shit! Shit! Shit! Great job, idiot.</em></p>
<p>But, because the day could only get worse, he doesn’t make it up to his floor in solitude. None other than Armitage Fucking Huxtable decides he’ll ride up the one flight before beginning his descent. “So I don’t have to wait for this ancient thing to decide to stop working,” he adds, in his annoyingly haughty tone.</p>
<p>Reaching his floor mercifully fast, Ben makes quick work of striding off that damn elevator and towards the safety of his apartment.</p>
<p>He’s so dismayed over his talk with Rey that he can’t think straight. Head hanging dejectedly, he unlocks his door and slams it closed behind him. He so wanted to be able to explain to Rey that he sees her. That she’s not alone. That she is more than enough, for him.</p>
<p>Stowing away his briefcase under the table in the entryway, he catches his reflection in the mirror above it. Looking critically at himself, he sighs. <em>You screwed it up, yet again, boyo.</em></p>
<p>Deciding what he really needs are some of Nana Padme’s cookies - she always seems to know exactly when her Benny boy needs a care package - he makes his way to the kitchen to fill the tea kettle. He puts it on the stove to start heating up, and knowing he has a few minutes until it will boil, he takes off his tie and makes his way down the hall to his bedroom.</p>
<p>Unbuttoning the top buttons of his shirt as well as the ones at his wrists, he can’t help but think of how slender Rey’s are in comparison to his. He imagines he’d easily be able to hold both of her wrists in one hand. His body rapidly reacts to this thought and he heads straight to his desk to release the tantalizing thoughts taking shape in his mind onto the paper and into his hand.</p>
<p>Unbuckling his belt and sliding his pants down his legs he grimaces as they catch on his hardening member. Stepping out of them, he begins rolling his sleeves up his forearms as he imagines wrapping his hands around the globes of her ass and hoisting her legs up around his waist.</p>
<p>Grabbing a new piece of paper and his pen, he begins writing the words as they emerge with one hand and he takes out his cock with the other.</p>
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Feeling dejected at having her worst fears confirmed, Rey fumbles with the key to her door. Strolling out his door to go downstairs and check his mail, Finn sees Rey out in the hall and calls out to her. “Hey sunshine!”</p>
<p>Giving him a half-hearted wave, she eeks out a “Hey, Finny. I’m really tired. I’m going to go climb into my pj’s and head to bed. I’ll text you tomorrow, ok?”</p>
<p>The fact that Rey didn’t mention eating dinner, when he knew she was all about food all the time, put Finn on high alert. “Sunshine? Want me to grab the peach ice cream and we can talk about it?” he gently asks.</p>
<p>Tears already gathering in her eyes, she nods mutely. He tells her to go get into her jammies and have two spoons ready, and that he’ll just be a second.</p>
<p>Rey enters her small apartment and does exactly and only that. Not even bothering to wash her face, because now the tears are falling freely. By the time Finn flies through her front door, she is ugly-crying on the couch. He shoves the ice cream in the freezer, grabs the tissue box on the coffee table and sits down, scooping her up into a giant bear hug.</p>
<p>“Sunshine, what’s wrong? Tell me,” he coaxes.</p>
<p>“Oh Finn...why can’t anyone ever choose me back?” she asks tearfully. As she clings to him, she sadly wonders how many more times she’s going to have to ask this question in her life. Growing up in foster care together, they jokingly referred to themselves as The Unchosens, and Finn knows how deeply Rey buries her hurt. He is always aware of how hard Rey still works to never let anyone see how much it hurts when she gets passed over for someone else.</p>
<p>Finn rubs soothing circles into Rey’s back and encourages her to talk it out and tell him what happened.</p>
<p>So she does. Every word of the recent interaction between Ben and her in the elevator. Finn knows full well that Rey missed out on developing a good eye for social cues. He can’t count how many times he witnessed first-hand Rey’s spot-on ability to catch someone lying, but totally miss someone’s emotions.</p>
<p>As she recounts how they both started to say the same words at the same time, Finn interrupts her to ask, “Rey, was he looking at you when he was talking?”</p>
<p>She has to think. Yes, he was. She nods.</p>
<p>“And - think about this, Rey - what expression was on his face?” he asks.</p>
<p>Trying to recall how Ben was searching her face as they were both speaking, her eyes widen as she realizes that he looked kind of, well... devastated, actually. Her heart drops down into her stomach. <em>He was devastated!</em></p>
<p>Wiggling out of Finn’s arms, Rey bolts up from the couch. “I have to go talk to him. Now! Right now, Finn,” she exclaims.</p>
<p>“Pump the brakes, Sunshine. You need to think about this for a minute.” Finn’s trying to get Rey to act a little less feral in the moment and a little more level-headed, but he can tell by how antsy she is that it isn’t working. Not one bit.</p>
<p>“Finn, Ben was upset. I misunderstood. I have to go tell him. Start the ice cream without me,” she tosses over her shoulder and heads for the door.</p>
<p>He makes one last-ditch effort to slow her down. “Do you want to at least put on some…” But Rey is out the door before he can even finish. Sighing, Finn rubs a hand over his forehead. <em>I have a bad feeling about this</em> he thinks to himself.</p>
<p><br/>
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</div><br/><p>Rey all but runs down the hall and up the two flights of stairs to Ben’s apartment. She doesn’t risk the elevator because, gods, if she has to run into the measly Armie Huxtable, she’s going to scream.</p>
<p>Flinging open the door to level six, she comes to an abrupt stop as it dawns on her that she has no idea what apartment Ben lives in. Her eyes light on old lady Maz just getting off the elevator with her little pupper, Chewy.</p>
<p>“Maz!” Rey calls out frantically.</p>
<p>Maz turns and takes in Rey’s appearance and smirks to herself. Without waiting for the question she knew was coming, she says, “He’s in 6A.” She makes a mental note to maybe use the fancy noise-canceling headphones her grandson gave her for Christmas this year.</p>
<p>Rey throws Maz a quizzical look as she wonders how in the hell the old bat knew what she was going to ask. With wide questioning eyes, she utters a sheepish “Thank you,” and takes off for 6A.</p>
<p>Having had a few moments to give this whole plan a second of thought, she stands rigid in front of Ben’s door. Indecision and self-doubt kick back in. <em>What if I misread him? Did he really look devastated? Why did I choose that word when I was telling Finn about what happened? What if he was just taken by surprise? </em>Thoughts tumble like a torrent in her head.</p>
<p>Standing with her hand poised in front of the door to knock, she hears Maz shout down the hall, “Just do it, girlie. Just knock.” Maz’s encouragement jars her from her thoughts. Fully embarrassed now, but also feeling more determined, she raps on Ben’s door with a little more force than necessary.</p>
<p>Having quickly finished releasing his pent-up frustration and desire over the incident with Rey earlier, Ben had slipped into sweatpants and t-Shirt and decided some cooking was in order.</p>
<p>He hears the knock just as he’s getting started and huffs out a sigh of annoyance at being interrupted. Ben wipes his hand on the dish towel slung over his shoulder and goes to see who it is.</p>
<p>Opening the door, he couldn’t be more shocked than if his crazy neighbor Maz had been standing there in a Galaxy Wars costume. Taking in the sight of Rey, frazzled and barely dressed, <em>where are her shoes?</em>, he can’t make sense of what he’s seeing.</p>
<p>“Ben!”</p>
<p>“Rey!”</p>
<p>They both chuckle a little awkwardly at talking over each other. Ben waves his hand at her, indicating she should speak first.</p>
<p>Eyes downcast, she starts. “I um… I guess I’ve been thinking in my head over the conversation in the elevator a little while ago.” She slides her eyes up to his.</p>
<p>Interest piqued and thoroughly enjoying the disheveled state Rey is in, he nods to encourage her to continue.</p>
<p>“And, yeah. I just didn’t want...Ben, were you...did I...I mean, were you upset when I got off the elevator?” she asks. Her lilting voice is softer than usual and her eyes are searching his face for any hint of what he might be feeling.</p>
<p>Brows knit together in confusion, Ben takes a moment to gather his thoughts.</p>
<p>A moment that feels like an eternity to Rey as she stands rooted to the spot, waiting for him to respond.</p>
<p>“I- I was, yeah. Wait…” He waits for her to look at him before continuing. “Rey, why are you asking?”</p>
<p>Irritation sneaks into her mind, as what she thinks must be obvious by now doesn’t seem to be filtering into Ben’s brain. <em>Or, maybe it is and he just doesn’t feel the same way.</em></p>
<p>Refusing to let that pessimistic voice get the better of her this time, she decides to do something she’s never felt comfortable doing with any man she was attracted to before. Be vulnerable. She couldn’t explain why she feels so safe and seen right now if she had to. But she does. Deep in her gut, Rey knows that she is, with Ben. </p>
<p>“Ben! How could you not notice that every time we talked face-to-face I had verbal diarrhea?” she asks him, slightly aghast. And - truly feeling like she was in for a penny, in for a pound - she plows ahead. “And did you never wonder why? I mean I can talk to Finn, Poe, and even Armitage Prissy-pants Huxtable with no problems. But you,” she snorts, “I can’t seem to string two meaningful sentences together around you. Or stop after too many ridiculous ones.”</p>
<p>He gapes at her and takes note once more of her lack of appropriate attire for a conversation in their hallway. It’s at this point that he realizes two things, simultaneously: First, Rey needs to come inside to finish this conversation. And second, Rey can’t come inside his apartment. Not looking like that. No amount of willpower in the galaxy will be able to keep an erection at bay if she’s in those tiny fucking shorts with no bra on.</p>
<p>He wants to throw her over his shoulder and take her to his bedroom.</p>
<p>Instead, he forces himself to speak. “I don’t...I mean, I guess I couldn't get out of my head long enough to notice a damned thing anytime you and I were face-to-face, Rey." Ben looks down at his feet while he rubs a hand along the back of his neck.  "Quite frankly, I was doing the best I could to hold it together whenever we were in the same space at the same time.” He wants to tell her that he sees her, that he wants her. He really wants to tell her how fucking much he likes her!</p>
<p>But Rey misinterprets Ben’s words. Again. “Oh. Okay. I guess I read your body language all wrong. I’m not too great at that actually. Growing up in foster care you don’t always get the chance to form healthy social skills and I automatically…” she starts to trail off.</p>
<p>At this point, Ben begins to feel the telltale signs of pressure in his pants at the thought of her trying to interpret his body language. He cuts her off, midstream. “Rey, I want to hear what you’re trying to share with me. It sounds important to you and so, believe it or not, it's important to me.” At this, he puts his finger under her chin and tilts it up to make sure she’s really hearing him. And then with more heat in his gaze than she could have hoped for, he continues, “But you’re not really dressed for a heartfelt conversation.” At this, he waves his hand in the general direction of her body, top to bottom.</p>
<p>Her face colors. As she shifts her weight from one foot to the other, she feels the brisk unheated hallway air hit her bare legs. And she remembers. She was so hellbent on chasing after Ben to ease his mind that she didn’t throw on anything substantial to her shortie pj bottoms and tank top. No slippers and no bra, for that matter.</p>
<p>
  <em>Shit.</em>
</p>
<p>As if her nipples are listening to her inner monologue, they respond to the air about the same time Ben’s eyes take notice.</p>
<p>Now it’s Ben's face that flushes.</p>
<p><em>He really is fucking adorable when he's embarrassed</em>, she muses. Rey crosses her arms and starts to turn away back toward the elevator. She halts two steps in and turns back to face him. “I’m going to put on...something more appropriate and then I’m going to come back to your apartment and we <strong><em>will</em></strong> be finishing this conversation, Ben.”</p>
<p>He has no doubt. And for the first time in, maybe ever, he was looking forward to talking with Rey.<br/>
</p>
<p><br/>
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</div><br/><p>Flying through her front door without even a hello to Finn, Rey rushes down the hall to her bedroom. Still planted on her couch waiting as patiently as he possibly could for her return, Finn now shoots up off the couch and tries to keep up after her. “Well? What happened?”</p>
<p>Flinging her tank top haphazardly across the room, she practically trips over her own two feet in her haste to get her pj bottoms off. “I’ll tell you everything, but I have to get back over there right now,” she rushes to get out, as she stands in front of her dresser. Reaching in hesitantly, Finn watches as Rey puts her hand on one item and then quickly darts to another area of the drawer and finally grabs something else. What emerges is her favorite “sexy” bralette.</p>
<p>“Sunnnnshiiiiine,” Finn drawls out, “what exactly is happening right now? And why are you picking out your Fuck Me bra? REY!?!”</p>
<p>Yanking it down over her chest, she turns to him with a small smile and gives him the short version of the conversation that just took place upstairs. “So, I’m going to put on my sexiest underthings and my comfiest over things and go get my man,” Rey announces.</p>
<p>Mouth hanging open, Finn silently wonders Who is this girl and what did she do with my Sunshine? “Slow down there, Tiger. So, you’re going to... what? Entice him in your ratty-ass Chandrilla U sweatshirt and holey joggers?” He eyes her up and down for emphasis.</p>
<p>Rey chews on her lip as she considers his question. She hadn’t given this much thought after all. Other than hoping Ben would get her down to the one nice matching black lace bra and thong set she owned. Rose had convinced her to buy it as a pick-me-up after a particularly bad breakup. But she’d never cared for anyone to see her in it. Until Ben. And the things she wanted him to do to her in them...</p>
<p>Cheeks turning pink with those ideas fluttering around, Finn interrupts her thoughts. “Okay, your face is telling me everything I don’t want to know. I’m leaving. Text me tomorrow and let me know you are alive. I love you.” He reaches down and kisses her forehead before turning to leave.</p>
<p>“Thanks, Finny. I love you too,” she utters sheepishly.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Read To Me</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Ben's kink is discovered. Rey likes it. A lot.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thank you for hanging in there with me and reading through to the end. These dumb babies are so perfect for one another, it's disgusting.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    
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<p>Puttering around in his kitchen to keep himself occupied until Rey makes her way back to his apartment, Ben starts worrying. <em>What if I misunderstood her? Again. What if she doesn’t actually come back to talk? What if…</em> The ringing of the doorbell squashes that thought where it sprouted.</p>
<p>All that pent up nervous energy helps him get to the door in record time. Swinging it open with far too much enthusiasm to be even remotely cool, he greets Rey. She's flushed and beautiful and beaming. At him.</p>
<p>“Hi,” she offers.</p>
<p>“Hi. Rey. Hi,” Ben feebly offers back.</p>
<p>Rey snorts. His eyebrows shoot upwards and irritation creeps into his voice as he asks, “What?”</p>
<p>“Ben, we can’t have a conversation with me standing in the hallway. Again,” she says.</p>
<p>Realization dawning, pink tints his cheeks as he steps to the side muttering, “Shit. Right. Please, come in.”</p>
<p>She smiles at him as she enters, and he could swear she purposefully allows her shoulder to brush his pecs as she passes him by. With an impish grin, Rey asks, “Where would you like me?”</p>
<p>Ben coughs at the implication. “Let’s go into the kitchen.” He starts walking and pulls out a barstool at the kitchen island and motions for her to sit there.</p>
<p>Turning his back to her he asks, “Would you like some tea? Or coffee?” Then, remembering the time he overheard Finn mention how much Rey loves her snacks, he adds, “And I have cookies my Nana Padme just sent to me in a care package. She still thinks I’m a starving college student, apparently.”</p>
<p>Taking her seat, Rey just gapes at him. She’s trying to make sense of how Hot Professor Ben Solo, the one who barely utters more than five words at a time in her presence, has just uttered that many sentences. In a row!</p>
<p>”Tea. Please. I mean, I can tolerate coffee, but I much prefer tea. Earl Grey is my favorite, actually. And I love cookies! What kind are they?” At this Rey cuts herself off, realizing the verbal barrage has begun.</p>
<p>Ben must realize this as well, because it’s his turn to snort as he turns back to her with a mischievous twinkle in his eye. “Is this more of that verbal diarrhea you were referring to earlier in the hallway?”</p>
<p>Sharing a laugh, their eyes light on each other and the laughter dies out. Ben’s mind is racing, trying to figure out how to continue the conversation from earlier. Rey pipes up as he’s mulling this over.</p>
<p>“Tell me about your Nana. Are you close? It must be nice to have someone that cares enough about you to send you care packages. I can only imagine,” she trails off softly.</p>
<p>Choosing his words carefully to not add to the obvious amount of hurt hanging in her words, he tells her how his mom and dad were always off to some political shindig or other, and that his Nana practically raised him. He shares a favorite memory about how she helped him come up with a lie to tell his parents when he got into a fight in high school to explain the black eye he had when they returned. She laughs conspiratorially with him over this. He finishes by saying “So, yeah, she kind of means the world to me.”</p>
<p>The woundedness in his voice as he briefly glossed over his parents’ frequent absences in his life resonates with the ever-present bruise of abandonment in her own. Dropping her eyes, she gathers her courage to move ahead with her plan to bare her heart to him.</p>
<p>Glancing quickly at him, she then averts her eyes toward a spot just over his shoulder. “Ben, I don’t tell people how I feel. Other than Finn, who's practically a brother to me, and Rose, my other best friend, I’ve never felt safe enough to.” She tucks her chin to her chest and draws a deep steadying breath before continuing. When she looks back up at Ben, she sees no pity. What she does see is softness, kindness, and encouragement, and it prompts her to keep talking. “But there is something about you. I feel safe to do that. With you.”</p>
<p>Ben inhales sharply as the weight of her trust in him sinks in. He wants to show her that he is worthy of that trust. That he can be. And that he’s willing to share parts of himself with her that he’s never been willing to share with anyone else, either.</p>
<p>He reaches out his hand to her. “Come with me. I want to show you something.” He moves around the island, tea and cookies forgotten, and grabs her already outstretched hand.</p>
<p>Rey feels a shock zing down her spine at the contact and clenches involuntarily at the sight of her small hand engulfed in his huge one. A hand that could make her feel so good.</p>
<p>Blushing, she looks up at him and says instead, “Lead the way.”</p>
<p>He guides them down the hallway and into his bedroom to show her one of his favorite photos of him and his Nana Padme`. Stepping over the threshold into Ben’s room, Rey takes note of his massive bed and smiles to herself. <em>Of course it’s massive! Everything about Ben is just… big.</em></p>
<p>Turning her head to hide her crimson cheeks from him, her eyes land on his desk. Papers are strewn across it and she is slightly stunned that Mr. Buttoned Up could have even one messy area in his life. But her shock turns to burning curiosity as she spies her name written on the top sheet.</p>
<p>Still making his way across the spacious room toward his dresser where the picture frame sits, Ben feels Rey tug her hand out of his grasp. He turns to see her making her way over to his desk.</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <strong>His desk!</strong>
  </em>
</p>
<p>Ben dies. He descends into the pit of hell as he realizes what she is looking at.</p>
<p>Racing over to the desk in a frenzied attempt to get to the papers before Rey does is useless. She's already holding a fistful of them. Taking a small step back, she jerks the arm holding the papers up and back, away from his outstretched arm. She begins silently reading.</p>
<p>Ben stands stock still giving her the space to freak out and run.</p>
<p>Eyes widening, she sucks in a breath and looks up at him.</p>
<p>“Is this… are these,” she’s whispering like she can’t muster up her voice, “are these all about me?”</p>
<p>Ben draws his hand down his face with a sigh. He can’t lie. And at this point, he’s already in hell, he may as well make his home there.</p>
<p>“Yes.” He gives her a moment to let it sink in and looks at her with an emotionless expression while she processes it. Or reacts. He’s not sure what to expect, really.</p>
<p>She looks back down and keeps reading for a few more agonizing minutes, switching papers twice. Ben stands rigid. Waiting.</p>
<p>“Why?” Her question comes so quietly he almost misses it. But it becomes obvious that she is only gathering steam because almost instantly she follows up with a more pointed, “Do you write about me this way often?”</p>
<p><em>She’s controlling her fury</em>, he thinks. <em>Oh gods, I’ve fucked this up so bad.</em></p>
<p>Fists clenched tightly at his sides, he squeezes his eyes shut. She’s waiting patiently for him to answer her. A patience he doesn’t deserve, he thinks. He takes his time answering, anyway. “When I do... write like this - yes, it’s always about you,” he replies evenly. "And I write them," at this he takes a moment to compose himself, "I write them because I enjoy touching myself while I write. While I fantasize about these things happening between you and me."</p>
<p>Rey is watching him intently. As he tilts his head to the side to break some of the tension in his neck, she becomes mesmerized by the chorded muscles flexing there. That, and the erotic nature of the short scene she just read, has wetness pooling in her thong. She tries to conceal her attempt to get more friction for the throbbing there, but only succeeds in smearing more along the tops of her thighs.</p>
<p>Ben braves a peek at her face and takes in how the pupils of her eyes have dilated and how her breathing has definitely picked up. Intrigued, he moves to face her squarely. And catches her shifting her thighs closer together out of the corner of his eye.</p>
<p>Now, Ben questions whether her controlled fury maybe wasn’t something else altogether. Taking a hesitant step toward her, Ben gently calls her name. “Rey?”</p>
<p>She looks up at him to see he is advancing toward her cautiously like she’s a frightened animal about to bolt.</p>
<p>With her eyes firmly fixed on his, she takes note of his own physical state. His chest is puffed up a bit, almost like he’s holding in his breath, and that smoked whiskey color of his eyes she loves so much is almost completely swallowed by black.</p>
<p>Realizing she hasn’t responded yet, she carefully places the papers back onto his desk and takes a step toward him. Her voice seems to have dropped without her permission as she asks, “You write... you want these things to happen between you and me?”</p>
<p>A tortured groan escapes his lips as he looks up at the ceiling before looking back at her. He’s trying to control his body’s rising desire for her, but it’s not working. Hearing her husky voice as she asks her question confirms that she is definitely not furious.</p>
<p>His need to touch her begins to override all rational thought as he closes the gap between them and he looks down at her intently. “Yes, Rey. Every one of them,” he answers, in a voice sounding low, even to his own ears.</p>
<p>
  <em>Damn, I can’t control my voice! I can’t control my cock! She is going to bolt and I wouldn’t blame…</em>
</p>
<p>His inner monologue is blissfully interrupted by the feel of Rey’s hand snaking up his torso, lingering on his neck, and finally sliding into his hair.</p>
<p>Closing his eyes and leaning back into her hand, he loses himself in the feeling of it. Reaching out to anchor himself, he grabs her waist lightly. His eyes fly open. Fuck! She’s so much smaller in his hands than he imagined.</p>
<p>But those little touches spark a fire in them both. Staring at her mouth, it only takes Rey’s whimpered, “Ben…” for their mouths to collide in a torrent of teeth and tongue and lips, neither caring less how uncoordinated it is. Rey moans into Ben’s mouth as their tongues fight for dominance.</p>
<p>Hands now roaming freely, Rey grips his shoulders while Ben cups her ass. Ben breaks aways to blurt out, “I want you so badly, Rey! And I see you. You are not alone.”</p>
<p>“Neither are you,” she adds. Rey draws back and for a moment, Ben panics and thinks he’s broken the mood. But she only pulls away to ask him something that makes his brain short-circuit.</p>
<p>“Ben, would you do something for me?” Her voice is laced with lust and she could ask him to steal the Hope Diamond and he’d find a way to do it.</p>
<p>“Anything,” he answers earnestly.</p>
<p>“Will you read one of your stories to me? Now? Here?” Rey is looking at him expectantly.</p>
<p>This...was not what Ben was expecting. He can’t fathom this dream girl wanting to stay after he reads his filthy ideas out loud to her. “Rey, I don’t think…”</p>
<p>But she makes quick work of cutting him off, shaking her head violently. “Don’t think, Ben! Just pick one and sit at your desk and read it to me.”</p>
<p>He starts to speak and she places one perfect pointer finger against his lips. He wants to suck it.</p>
<p>She traces his lips with her finger while telling him, “I want to hear your voice. Do you have any idea how many times I’ve gotten myself off thinking of your voice? Your hands?”</p>
<p>And any resistance he might have considered putting up is shut down by her breathless request and the near painful pressure in his pants.</p>
<p>Loosening his grip on her waist, he starts to move toward his desk. But Rey seems to momentarily think better of her request and instead grabs the front of his button-down and grinds herself into the front of him. This brings the most delicious moan out of Ben and for a second, Rey almost does change her mind.</p>
<p>But she also wants to watch him struggle to keep control while he’s reading. She wants to know how far she can push him until he can’t stand it anymore. Just the thought shoots a thrill right to her core. And then, she wants to know what his lips will feel like on every part of her body.</p>
<p>She lets go of him so he can walk - stiffly, she notes with a smirk - to the desk. He shuffles through the papers until he finds the elevator scenario he wrote a few weeks ago. Sitting down in the seat, he looks back at her longingly one last time, hoping she’ll change her mind and beg him to fuck her into the mattress she’s taken a seat on instead.</p>
<p>She doesn’t.</p>
<p>With a stuttered sigh, Ben starts reading. Rey only lasts two paragraphs listening to the sound of his velvet voice before realizing how severely she’s underestimated how badly her body wants him.</p>
<p>Taking in the sight of his tree trunk of a thigh, she decides fuck this little not-well-thought-out plan of hers. She shimmies out of her sweatpants and starts making her way over to him. She notices one fist practically crumples the paper he’s reading from and the other is in a white-knuckled clench on top of his thigh.</p>
<p>Ben catches the movement out of the corner of his eye and immediately stops reading, mouth going dry as she approaches him. Eyes tracing over the length of her strong calves and thighs, he draws in a sharp breath when he gets to the barely-there patch of black lace covering exactly where he’d like his mouth to be.</p>
<p>He couldn’t continue reading right now if someone told him Nana Padme’s life depended on it.</p>
<p>Turning in his seat to face her, he waits breathlessly to see what she’ll do.</p>
<p>Knowing how wet she is already, Rey straddles his thigh and leans in close to his ear to whisper, “Put your hand on my hip, Ben, but keep reading.” Swiping the tip of her tongue along the outer shell of his ear in encouragement, she earns a moan that she could listen to for eternity.</p>
<p>Gripping her hip tightly to make sure she doesn’t fall, Ben tries mightily to focus on the words swimming in front of his eyes. He suspects he might leave bruises where his hand digs into her hip. His cock is crying out its discontent as it strains against the confines of his pants.</p>
<p>Rey is only making matters worse as she begins grinding down on his thigh in earnest. Her clit catches just right on her first pass, and Ben instantly feels her arousal seeping through the material of his chinos.</p>
<p>“Fuck! Rey, you are so wet,” he pants.</p>
<p>“Read,” she orders.</p>
<p>He can barely see straight.</p>
<p>She is so turned on right now between the sound of his voice and the feeling of his hard muscular leg under her cunt that she can’t see straight herself. But she can feel her orgasm building fast, so she continues rocking against him.</p>
<p>Ben feels his self-control crumbling. Rey keens as she continues rubbing her cunt against his thigh. He’s about to snap when she stops, suddenly, whipping her sweatshirt up her torso and over her head. She flings it away and looks back to where his other hand is gripping at her ribs.</p>
<p>Voice hoarse with want, he answers her unasked question. “I couldn’t let you fall.”</p>
<p>Rey registers this act for what it is - tender care. It makes her tremble with a fresh wave of desire for this big hot kind man reining himself in for her, putting her safety above his lust.</p>
<p>Glancing down at his huge hand, which takes up the entire expanse of her side, she notes with a shiver how very close his thumb is to the underside of her bralette. “Read, please, Ben. Keep reading to me,” she begs, even as she begins rolling against him again. She’s too close to the edge to stop now and begins to ride his leg in a frenzied rush of pleasure.</p>
<p>With zero shreds of control left, Ben stands abruptly, ending Rey’s movement. She whimpers as he slides both hands under her to grip the globes of her ass and stride over to his bed.</p>
<p>Grabbing the hair at the nape of his neck, her lips claim his as he walks. Instantly His tongue seeks entrance into her mouth and she eagerly admits it, desperate for more of him. They stand locked like that at the foot of the bed until they both have to  pull back for air.</p>
<p>“Rey, I have written so many times about this. All of this. But being here, with you, in the flesh? It’s…”</p>
<p>Whatever words were coming die an excruciatingly beautiful death as Rey traces the outline of his lips with her hot tongue. Ben whines and the sound makes Rey roll her hips on his cock, desperately needing more friction.</p>
<p>She pauses her licking just long enough to say, “Ben? Please. I need you.”</p>
<p>Whatever is about to happen, Rey thinks, she wants it to happen more than once. More than a thousand times.</p>
<p>His eyes trace her face as he looks for any bit of hesitation. Seeing none, he dives in for one more blistering kiss before setting her down on the bed. “Your wish is my command.”</p>
<p>He let her be in control while he was reading. Hell, he enjoyed the delicious torture of her using him for her pleasure. But he’ll be damned if he doesn’t give her exactly what she’s asking for. It’s what he’s been longing for, too, after all.</p>
<p>Unbuttoning his shirt, he watches her and catalogues every detail: the disheveled state of her hair, her parted lips, and the way her chest is rising and falling deeply.</p>
<p>Rey watches him like a hawk, too, and the moment he unbuttons the final button she scoots on her knees to the edge of the bed and puts her hands over his. “Let me. Please!” She peels his shirt down his arms and tosses it to the floor. Running her hands slowly down the planes of his smooth, broad chest, she lightly dips her fingers into each divot until she gets to his waistband. His gasps and sighs spur Rey on.</p>
<p>Turning her eyes to his pants, she makes an appreciative noise as she notices how his cock strains against the seam of his zipper. She looks up at him through her lashes and then makes quick work of his belt and button, only slowing to carefully unzip his pants. He inhales sharply as Rey trails her mouth, all hot breath and soft touch, down the length of him outside his boxer briefs.</p>
<p>His hands slip into her hair and he closes his eyes against the stimulation. It’s almost too much. The feeling of her mouth actually on his body, and she hasn’t even gotten down to skin yet. Fuck! He wasn’t going to make it if he let her keep this up.</p>
<p>Reluctantly pulling his hands from her hair, he slides them under her armpits and pushes her up the bed. As soon as her head hits the pillows, he stands back up and strips himself of his boxers, leaving them right where he stands. Crawling up the bed he keeps his eyes on hers, appreciating the sheer beauty of her. Of Rey. Here. In his bed. Not a single daydream captured her as perfectly as she is.</p>
<p>Looking at her briefly for her consent, he slides his thumbs under the sides of the black lace covering her hips. She barely finishes breathing out “Yes, please, Ben, yes!” when he is tugging them down her body. He leaves a trail of open-mouthed kisses from the top of her mound to the valley between her breasts. Breath ghosting over her right nipple, Ben looks up to take in her face before fastening his mouth over one rosy bud and flicking his tongue to bring it to its peak before switching to lavish the same attention on the other.</p>
<p>“Ben, I need. I need. I want,” Rey arches her back into his mouth and tries to reach for his cock.</p>
<p>Leaving a line of slick across her chest where his mouth had been, he lifts his head and gives her a heated look. "I need you to be ready for my cock, Sweetheart." And he trails his hand agonizingly slowly down her stomach and over the curls at the apex of her thighs. Dragging two fingers through her folds, he finds her still wet from her attempts to ride his thigh.</p>
<p>"You didn't get to finish on my thigh." Ben pierces Rey with a look full of something more than just lust. He gently slides one long thick finger inside her opening and thumbs slow circles around her clit.</p>
<p>"Ben, fuck, hnggh," is all Rey manages to get out as she arches into his touch. So keyed up and on edge from her attempts to find release on his thigh, she is closer to orgasm than either of them realize.</p>
<p>Ben looks up to take in every expression of ecstacy cross Rey's face as he adds a second finger and continues pumping them into her. He adds a third when she asks for more and speeds up his thumb's movements on her clit. Feeling her clenching on his fingers, he places one final hard press on her hardened nub and feels Rey lose all control as her orgasm takes her and she cries out.</p>
<p>Crawling up her body slowly and leaving hot wet kisses in his wake, he shifts over to quickly open the bedside drawer for a condom. Rey's hand snakes out to stop him. “I’m on birth control and I’m clean. If you are,” and at this she’s struggling for breath, “Ben, please, I want... I need to feel you inside of me.”</p>
<p>“Yes, Rey, fuck, yes.” Ben quickly moves back to hover over her, caging her head in between his forearms. He takes the opportunity to suck her bottom lip hard enough to elicit a whimper of need, from which one of them he couldn’t tell.</p>
<p>Dragging his cock through her folds, he bumps against her clit. Rey gasps as she clutches his shoulders and lifts her hips seeking more.</p>
<p>All. Rey wants to feel all of Ben. She needs to feel full of Ben.</p>
<p>Lining himself up at her opening, he slides in slowly, savoring each glorious inch inside of her walls. Once he bottoms out he holds still, in desperation to make this last as long as possible now that his dream is a reality. He grits out “Rey, you feel so good. So perfect. So much better than I... fuck... imagined.”</p>
<p>Feeling the entire delicious length of him fill her to perfection, Rey takes a moment to allow herself to adjust to him. But she finds herself quickly ready for more. “Ben, move! Please, I want you to move. Now!”</p>
<p>Pulling himself out slowly to just the tip, he plunges back into bliss. His thrusts are slow and delicious and deep. Rey seems to echo his thoughts with her moans as she starts to time the movement of her hips with each thrust of his.</p>
<p>Ben fucks Rey just as he’s imagined so many times.</p>
<p>No! That’s not true. He’s imagined fucking Rey. This… this is something else.</p>
<p>And it’s a thousand times better. Rey’s scents and small sighs and whimpers are a million times better than anything he’s imagined and written about. He wants to do this over and over and over and never have to write out a fantasy about this woman again.</p>
<p>Setting a pace both fervent and desperate, Rey matches it with her own sense of urgency. She’d imagined this, with him. But this, here, now, is leaving her already wanting more.</p>
<p>Rey wraps her legs around his waist, locking them in together, allowing Ben to hit deeper. As their mutual ecstasy climbs higher and higher, Ben feels he’s close to tipping over the edge. But he wants Rey with him. Reaching his fingers down he draws two fingers in tight circles on her clit as he grits out, “I’m so close, Rey. Please...fuck! Come with me.”</p>
<p>She couldn’t have told you later what it was that sent her careening over the edge with him. Maybe it was his deep voice, hoarse with desire. Or his hot touch. Or the words he was uttering. It didn’t matter, she only knew she wanted it again. From beginning to end. Again. And again.</p>
<p>As her orgasm began rippling through her, her cunt fluttering around his cock sent him tumbling into his own. "Rey, Rey, Rey," he chanted nuzzling his face in the crook of her neck.</p>
<p>Laying spent and boneless side-by-side, they both struggled to regain breath. A few minutes later, when normal breathing resumed, Ben laid his head across her chest. Rey took turns alternating between lightly scraping her fingernails across his scalp and twirling his hair between her fingers, earning delightful little sighs from him. “I imagined this, too, you know?”</p>
<p>Ben looks up at her and sees a similar feeling of home in her eyes. He knows this won’t be the only time. Contentedly, he lays his head back down and asks, “Did you write what you imagined, too?”</p>
<p>“I mean, I don’t have the skills to write about it the way you did, Professor,” she teases. “But, yeah. I certainly imagined in vivid detail what your mouth would feel like, your hands, and of course, your…” She lets her eyes sweep down his body and blushes.</p>
<p>Ben chuckles. The deep reverberations send a tingle down to her core. She feels her arousal stirring again. <em>How can she want him again already?</em></p>
<p>“Ben? Would you choose another one to read to me?” she softly asks.</p>
<p>He looks up at her again. He’s not going to get tired of this woman. Or this feeling. It’s peaceful and lustful all at the same time.</p>
<p>“You want me to read another one, what - <em>now?</em>”</p>
<p>She nods.</p>
<p>“You do? Really?” He’s looking at her intently now and sees the heat flaring back up in her eyes. “Ah, you do.”</p>
<p>He trails hot kisses across her breast and up her neck in a lazy pace toward her mouth. “I have just the one written out.”<br/>
</p>
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